My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
