i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The adults are the big ones right?
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