i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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