It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
