I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
