just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
