i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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