Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
