my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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