don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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