Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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