Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
