he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
