i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
