I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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