why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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