dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
