with your own penis?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
