This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When are your genitals available?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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