dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
