You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
