remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Can Purell be used as lube?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
