I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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