but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
