just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
