My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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