I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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