Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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