I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
