Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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