OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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