i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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