It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
