my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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