Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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