We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i came on her dog
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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