He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
