I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
