my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You smell like stripper and shame
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
