Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
