Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
