You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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