Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
