i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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