you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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