This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
