Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
