your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
