I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
