literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
