things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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